I can doodle all day. You just give me a little space on an office memo or budget, a pen and I get going. Over the years, I've ended up with quite a collection of doodles on scraps of paper. I have a whole folder full of them in fact.

These scribbles in such confined spaces have trained me for my latest endeavour though. You see, I'm also a frequent ebay bidder. Often times, I'll do general searches for "original comic art" or "original cartoon art."

Usually, these are searches I do when I'm looking for comic book or comic strip art that also appeared in print.

But lately, another thing keeps on popping up. Comic book fans know them as "sketch cards," but the general art world calls them Artist Trading Cards and ACEOs (which stands for the awkward "Art Cards, Editions and Originals"), which you can read more about here.

Anyway, I recently stumbled on some trading-card sized Bristol boards at the local art supply store.

So over the last week or so, I made some ATCs of my own, one of which is attached to this post. These are mechanical pen with colored-pencil highlights.

For more, you can see what I have for "Sale" on my EBay page. I put "Sale" in quotes because I don't charge much for them, I just want to offer them to the world at large.

Years ago, I came to realize that I really liked "G.I. Joe" a lot more than I liked "Transformers." This was a monumental shift in my fandom allegiance because while I grew up, I was a die hard Transformers nut.
But over time, I found that Transformers, which was more popular than Joe, was getting diluted. More characters were being added on. Names were switched around, back stories were continually jiggered. Eventually, they even had to begin labeling their transformers by generation. Sure, I'm glad it was successful and all, but it's success also was making me lose interest.
G.I. Joe, on the other hand, was still a tightly controlled property. Pretty much it was whatever Larry Hama and Hasbro agreed upon was law, and that helped keep the line and all its related media under control.
A 25th anniversary and a movie later, the "G.I. Joe" property appears to be on hiatus. The stores are cluttered with leftovers and there's not been any announcement on what's next. Honestly, that's all fine with me because it gives me an opportunity to take a peek at the main competitor of "G.I. Joe": A copycat line produced by Lanard called "The Corps!"  Now the competition between these two isn't all that fierce. G.I. Joe is name brand. The Corps! is generic.
Despite this, I've picked up a healthy supply of Corps figurines over the years. I probably have 30 or more The Corps! figures. Some of it was straight out retail purchase (I especially loved their "space farer" line, which they called "The Corps! Star Force") and some of it was in the secondary market when Lanard figures were mixed in with an auction lot of G.I. Joes.
So how could this happen? How could I veer from my beloved G.I. Joes?
The biggest benefit of The Corps! is the price. Where G.I. Joe offers figures for $7 for one guy, the Corps line often sells two for $3. Where G.I. Joe offers an interesting vehicle for $25, Lanard gives you one slightly generic vehicle for $8, but throws in some accessories to sweeten the deal.
Even better for G.I. Joe collectors, Lanard's line scales perfectly with Joes. If you're into making dioramas or taking scene photos that offers oodles of action figures in a pitched battle, then characters from The Corps! can fill out your background easily. If your looking to populate an office scene or need  an army that's neither Joes or Cobras, then The Corps! are your guys. Speaking of that, Lanard even came out with a neat supply of female figures that would work for even more characters. The Lanard WOW Action Girls are tough to find, but they offer nice diversity for any collector.
But when Hasbro upgraded its Joe sculpts for its 25th anniversay, Lanard's line seemed to pale in comparison. It wasn't too long after that Lanard did a nice upgrade of its own. They even came out with a one-shot comic book that I quite liked.
Granted, the change still made The Corps! the lesser product: Articulation couldn't compare. Paint applications weren't as plentiful or as finely done. There wasn't much of a built-in storyline.
But the one thing they did do was massively upgrade its packaging. So much so that I actually like "The Corps!" packaging better than the "G.I. Joe" packaging.
With the Joe line petering out for a while now (blame that on the boring movie toys), I've spent more time in the toy aisles looking at The Corps! than I have looking at the oodles of Neo-Vipers acting as peg warmers.
Be warned: The newest version of The Corps! are decidely un-G.I. Joe. They have swivel wastes and straight up-and-down hip movement as opposed to the ball-jointed hips used by the Joes. The plastic is soft and seemingly malleable. The paint applications are sparse but servicable. Weapons that come with the figures are just a little bit too oversized for use with the figures, making it hard for them to grip.
But really, those are only minor quibbles to me. The toys work just fine. The sculpts — especially the faces — are pretty awesome, the accessories (love the guy who comes with a zip line) are fun and, let's face it, the price is a huge plus. For a kid who isn't well versed in the lore or branding of G.I. Joe, I'd just buy him a heap of figures from The Corps! line.
But, man, most of all I love that packaging. It's just awesome.
G.I. Joe fans probably scrunch their noses at the thought of picking up The Corps!, but until we get some new G.I. Joes coming, this line, the old style and the new sculpts, is a great — and inexpensive — resource in retail stores and on the secondary market.

I've still got a massive backlog of sketches, so here's just a few of them, kinda grouped by a category.
As usual, these are all done in a regular ball-point pen and often on scrap paper while I'm just waiting around or have a few spare moments. When I do them, I often just start with a shape and go from there. Sometimes its the shape of a human head, sometimes its the beak of a bird and so on. From there, I just let it all come out of the pen.
I'm a cartoonist at heart, and that's what I draw. For that, I'm glad. I'd hate to have a sketchbook full of drab buildings or run-of-the-mill horse drawings. This way I always know something new is coming up even if I repeat a lot of themes.



Starting from the top left:

• A robot who's stolen Wall-E's head.
• An angry peasant who's about to punch you out.
• In all orange we have another rather morose peasant.
• He's beside another peasant who's got on a fine pair of gloves.
• We have a follow-up to the hairy co-pilot from a few entries ago. This one? He's the lumpy co-pilot!
• Then there's the frumpy crusader.
• Then some tooneriffic animals in the form of a cat and dog.
• Then a pretty darn good dragon head.
• He's next to an uppity eagle.
• Then there's a savage dragon.
• Wrapping things up is a sort of lizardy dragon-man.

Looking for more in this series? Here you go!

• CHURCH SKETCHES — Rabbits and dwarves
• CHURCH SKETCHES II — The Peril of Hypno-Croc
• CHURCH SKETCHES III — Heroes and oddities
• CHURCH SKETCHES IV — Jesus and the Easter Bunny
• CHURCH SKETCHES V — Of Angels and Underdwellers
• CHURCH SKETCHES VI — Catching up
• CHURCH SKETCHES VII — Calling all Heroes
• CHURCH SKETCHES VIII — Heroes and villains of the Blackout
• CHURCH SKETCHES IX — A Fine Collection of Supers

Through a good part of the 1980s, my family was a little bit behind the times. When everyone else had an Atari 2600, we were marveling over Pong. The Atari 2600 only came when everyone else graduated to the 5400. When Nintendo showed up, I was psyched for my Vectrex (which, looking back, was a damn fine machine!).

Anyway, this persistent state of affairs helped keep me intrigued by the unending flow of video game advertisements that showed up in comic books.

The flood of these particular ads really opened up when the Atari 2600 hit stores, and really hasn't stopped since then. Looking back over the last 30 years of mainstream comics, you can bet there's at least one full-color ad in every one of them.

But back in the 1980s, there was a peculiar disconnect between the advertisement and the game itself. Often times, the advert would feature some glorious artwork and then in a tiny inset window you'd see a screenshot from the actual game, which was hardly thrilling.

Case in point is "Star Wars Jedi Arena," which features a rugged Luke Skywalker, lightsaber ablaze. It's a dynamic, exciting and iconic image.

... but ...

Then you look at the screen shot. A room, two "Jedis," and a floating ball.

Yep. That pretty much sums up the game.

No, it's not a crafty advertising team trying to temp you with a little tease. That's the whole game. And if you don't believe me, watch this video . Really, try watching it all the way through.


Now things did start picking up on the graphics-end of video games. And correspondingly, the screen shots grew in proportion. Today, the ads are almost entirely direct-from-the-game images.

Games, of course, are a lot more exciting too, and you can't help but wonder what the ad guys thought way back then when Parker Bros. and all the other licensees pooped out this stuff.

Collins: "We've got a new game to sell, boys. It's about these two janitors stuck in closets across from each other. A vacuum cleaner is on the fritz and is shooting out electric sparks. They use their brooms to hold the sparks back."

Bumore: "Geez, first the stupid plumber and the gorilla. Now a killer vacuum cleaner! What is it with these video game programmers and the service industry?"

Decatur: "Aw, they get going on one thing and they can't stop. Next thing you know they'll be making games where you fight each other instead of the computer. Yeah, like you're gonna find two dweebs in the same neighborhood who will sit around and do nothing all day!"

Collins: "Let's focus guys, how are we gonna sell this?"

Bumore: "Janitors?!? I mean we could scare them. Play this or you might be a janitor yourself!"

Decatur: "Speaking of dweebs, my nephew's still into this 'Star Wars,' maybe we could do something with that. You know, rebrand the whole thing."

Collins: "Oh yeah! That wouldn't be half bad. I hear that George Mucas practically gives the license away."

Bumore: "Lucas."

Collins: "What?"

Decatur: "George Lucas, the guy who did the 'Star Wars' stuff — and one helluva holiday special. Who knew Bigfeets celebrated Christmas?"

Collins: "Lucas-schmookis! That guy will never amount to anything. Let's face it if we do this right, we might get the attention of Atari! Now that's a company that's going places! But until then, we're gonna take advantage of this 'Star War' fad! It'll never last, so lets get it while people even remember what it is"

... And thus "Star Wars: Jedi Arena" was born.

When I first opened this minicomic, I was surprised to see a fairly off-model version of Skeletor staring back at me with his not-so-creepy hollow eyes. Through the entire comic, I was wondering, "Why the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is he all chained up like a bondage fetishist?"
But then I peeked at He-Man.org entry on "Skeletor's Dragon" and then remembered that way back when there was indeed a Skeletor like this, only he looked even more dorky than he does in the comic. The action figure, called Dragon Blast Skeletor, has a spray-pump built into him so he can squirt other figures with his hypno-spit or something like that. The only problem is that the figure looks like he's got a dragon-boat figurehead strapped to his back, and not a living breathing dragon as portrayed in the comic.
But the silly look of the figure aside, "Skeletor's Dragon," isn't really a showcase for the action figure, but a way to advertise the Battle Bones vehicle. How's that? Well, the comic came packed with the D.B. Skeletor, so they don't need to sell us that. They needed to get us to buy something else, so why not good ole Battle Bones?
The vehicle is a troop-transport made out of an old dinosaur skeleton. To do so, troops snap themselves into the skeleton's ribcage and get hauled around.
Now if that doesn't sound comfortable, you're right because it doesn't look comfortable either.

As you see, He-Man gets the driver's seat while Teela, Man-At-Arms, Fisto and Ram-Man get stuck wit the bitch seats. Instead of cushy rides like the Attak-Trak, flying high in the Wind Raider, clip-clopping on Stridor or even cruising on the Battle Ram, these guys get clamped-in by the waist with no other support. It's like a prescription for back problems.
And really, how can this thing be much faster than walking?
All those complaints aside, the comic does feature a neat four-panel sequence, which depicts just a few seconds of time. That in itself makes the panels an odd example of "decompressed story-telling" in a He-Man comic. That's common for comics nowadays, but back then it was pretty rare for a comic that will imply cross-country trips in between panels.



Here's what He-Man.Org has to say about Skeletor's Dragon:

Skeletor finds some fossilized Eternian dinosaur bones and gives themlife. Then, after capturing some heroes and putting them in a trance, hegoes after He-Man. He ties He-Man up, but chains are no match for theMost Powerful Man in the Universe, and he breaks them easily. Then hestops Skeletor and Battle Bones becomes good, telling He-Man the storyof how he was once alive untold millenia ago and ended up being the lastdinosaur on Eternia. Finally, he says, he laid down and died.

00075130
1985,Series 4.
Packaged with Dragon Blaster Skeletor.

To read the entire comic online, go here.

Hanging out next to NYC, much of New Jersey gets the "scraps" of what's left from the Big Apple. So without further adieu, Greetings from ...

NEW JERSEY

JERSEY CITY (Iceman & Firestar)

Running hot and cold is what Iceman and Firestar do best, and these mutants are really only partners by accident of geography. Both grew up in Hudson County, N.J., in  the shadow of NYC. In fact, the entire county has its fair share of trouble mostly do to spillover from the Big Apple. Iceman was the first to gain his powers and serves on and off as a member of the X-Men. However, he still makes plenty of appearances across the county. Firestar, who's about three years younger than Iceman, gained her powers while Iceman was still a full-time X-Man, giving her time to develop her own reputation as a crimefighter.
It wasn't long before the two ran into one another, and Hudson County was ablaze with love as the two heroes hearts melted for one another. But though they're both in love with one another, neither is really quite willing to admit it. He's brash, feisty and a smidge of a lunatic. She's smart, conservative, a whiz with the media, and amazingly skilled with her powers.
Naturally, the two drive one another nuts in all the right ways.
For a few years, they even shacked up as roommates while they attended Empire State University. Also sharing the apartment was Peter Parker, a nerdy science whiz. Once Iceman and Firestar figured out who Peter Parker really was, the the three heroes formed a short-lived superhero team called the Amazing Friends. By the time college was done, the group officially dissolved, but the three remain close friends, and work together often.
As for Firestar and Iceman, well, they maintain separate living residences and are officially solo heroes, but it only seems to make them more miserable the longer their apart.
Only time will tell if they figure out what they really mean to one another.

Notes: This Jersey City grouping is based after "Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends," the cartoon show from the 1980s. While the action and plots on this show weren't all that special, the dialog between the three friends was a hoot, so I revive it here. Pushing past that, I also try to set up Firestar and Iceman in a "Moonlighting"-type love affair. They have sparks. They love each other but they just won't admit it.

ATLANTIC CITY (Cloak & Dagger)

Long a East Coast hotbed of drug smuggling and Maggia influence, Atlantic City was "unoccupied" by superheroes for years until the area was adopted by teenage runaways who would soon be known as Cloak and Dagger.
When Tyrone Johnson of Boston and Tandy Bowen of Ohio each ran away to NYC, they were living on the streets. Offered shelter and food by some strange men, they and nearly two dozen other street children were kidnapped and shipped to Atlantic City where they were subjected to experiments that were testing a new synthetic and highly-addictive narcotic.
While the drug proved deadly for all the other children, Bowen and Johnson survived and found that it actually triggered latent mutant abilities inside them. (No, they aren't officially mutants, they are mutates because they required a genetic change to trigger their abilities.)
With their newfound powers, they struck out against Atlantic City-based Silvermane  the drug kingpin who heads up Maggia's drug "division." They also frequently came to blows with Fenris, a snobbish European brother-sister duo, who found Atlantic City to be an amusing playground.
While they come in regular contact with the superhuman community, the two really try to focus on two things: helping children and teenagers escape abuse and combating the international drug trade. This leads them to leave Atlantic City with regularity, and regularly appear in many other U.S. cities, the New York- and Los Angeles-areas in particular.
Notes: This variation of Cloak and Dagger is pretty close to the regular version and simply transplants them to Atlantic City.

NEWARK (Terror)

About the only place in a America where a body-part stealing superhero could operate with impunity is Newark, N.J. In a city where crime pretty much runs rampant, the last thing the police are going to start getting upset by is a vigilante. That attitude has let Terror slowly carve his way through Newark's underworld. While hardly a true superhero, Terror has proved again and again that his devious nature and unique skillset allow him to hold his own against the most difficult of foes.
In Newark, Terror works as a sort of wandering private eye. He doesn't officially run a detective agency, but rather cases just seem to fall in his lap and he usually ends up "helping the helpless," rather than those with money or power.
Notes: Terror is one of those characters whose concept is really intriguing, but I've never particularly seen it pulled off well. Maybe the most recent Terror series did work, but I haven't read that.

UNION COUNTY (Chamber/Decibel)

Making it in the greater metropolitan area of New York City hasn't been particularly easy for the ex-mutant once known as Chamber. An antisocial guy, Jono Starsmore, has been a member of several superhuman teams — The X-Men, Generation X, The New Warriors, and Weapon X -- and left each time simply because he'd had enough of the politics of teams.
Sullen and often depressed, Chamber moved to the New York City area and lived a hermit-like existence for several years until his powers were stripped away during the M-Day event.
The removal of his powers triggered a new concern for Chamber: Was he being punished for ignoring fate?
That worry lingered long enough that he sought out a new way to acquire powers: Technology.
Using devices similar to Songbird's yoke and Klaw's device, he became a sound sculptor, which allowed him to create constructs out of soundwaves.
Using this device, he wanders the Union County area addressing problems as he sees them. Not so much as a hero, but as a helper. Rather than seek out crime to stop, he simply uses his powers to stop accidents, help the needy, clean up messes and even carry groceries for little old ladies.
But please note, he doesn't do any of this in the grandiose fashion of a superhero. He makes sure that his efforts are anonymous, and he only does these activities from afar. These efforts have generated hundreds of reports of "ghosts" throughout the county.
When he is forced to reveal himself in a superhuman-type activity, he calls himself Decibel, and his appearances in costume have been extremely limited.

Notes: The tragedy of Chamber has always interested me. At one time, he was considered to be a mutant who could grow into an Omega-level threat and he hated himself. But now that his powers are gone, he's seen how he should have used what he had to help others.

HACKENSACK (Molten Man)

After numerous run-ins with Spider-Man, Mark Raxton, better known as Molten Man, turned over a new leaf and began working for the good of all, rather than the good of himself. Really, it was only a minor change, but enough for him to slowly earn a reputation as a minor superhero. With his change of heart, he became one of Spider-Man's closest friends among the super-hero set.
The two have drifted apart since Molten Man began to pursue his scientific interests, which focus on chemistry.  In particular, he uses his nearly invulnerable skin to perform complex experiments under extreme conditions. Naturally, to do such work, he had to find a place that could accommodate his particular skillset — and Hackensack's Metropolitan University provided just that opportunity.
Molten Man also serves as a security officer for Metropolitan University and its campuses around the world. Met U isn't just a single campus, but a network of schools across the world, including London, Buenos Aires, Singapore, Tokyo, Johannesburg, Dubai and St. Petersburg. It also maintains about a dozen other one-building labs in other international cities. As Met U's primary superhuman security officer, he spends a significant amount of his time jetting between the schools.
His worldwide activities make him a popular figure around each of the Met school grounds, and his specialized metabolism has earned him quite a reputation as a partier, even among the superhero community.
Still, this wild reputation is shed whenever anything serious comes down, Molten Man stands strong among the heroes of New Jersey, and anyone he calls friend.
Notes: Molten Man is one of those characters who has had a really varied career, probably because his appearances are so infrequent. I like the idea of him being a reformed villain who still likes to be a little crazy sometimes, but switches gears in an instant.
Metropolitan University is a pastiche and expansion of the idea of Fairleigh Dickinson University, which has multiple campuses in several countries.

PINE BARRENS (The Howling Commandos)

Scraped together by Nick Fury, the Howling Commandos are literally a group of monsters used as a special missions force, including  the Living Mummy (Egypt), Frankenstein's Monster (Germany)and  Nina Price (Great Britain).
While originally a SHIELD force, the team was released from that duty and redesignated as a United Nations strike force considering that they are made up from a number of international heroes.
Retaining their specially equipped Pine Barrens base, the team has also been active in the New Jersey, Delaware and Pennsylvania area because of this.
Notes: The Howling Commandos are a relatively new supergroup that appears to be mostly forgotten by Marvel. Shifting them to an international team makes sense.

There are very few characters that I honestly feel I'm an authority on. Sure, there are plenty of characters that I love, but my knowledge on many of them is only a surface level. I know the basics. I understand the concept. I get the gist.
But then there's RoboCop.
When I first saw Paul Verhoeven's first film on videotape, I was totally blown away. Funny, nihilistic, action-packed, dramatic all rolled into one.
Even better, RoboCop kept getting bigger. For some crazy reason, people decided that RoboCop should be a kids' toy. He became a cartoon. There are lunch boxes. There candy dispensers. There are backpacks. There are drink cups with bendy straws.
I know this because I have them all.
Over the years, I have collected hundreds of items based on RoboCop as a pop culture icon.
I even have the full-sized Data East arcade game in my basement. I had it fixed so that it doesn't charge a quarter per play anymore.
Over the years, RoboCop has been tried again and again in comics, and largely, these efforts have failed.
These failures came as a result of a failure to understand the RoboCop character that was presented in the 1987 film.
Even Frank Miller, who wrote "RoboCop 2," "RoboCop 3" and at least one RoboCop comic series, never seemed to get him down right.
To me, RoboCop is most assuredly  "Part Man, Part Machine. All Cop." He's a little bit human. He's a little bit machine. But when it comes to being a police officer, he's all over that.
That's what I think people kept missing. They wanted him to be desperately wanting human contact. They wanted him to be a robot to tell a story about.
But they kept missing his driving force: Righting wrongs as best as he was allowed.
Sometimes his programming would screw him up. Sometimes his lingering emotions would. But he always wanted to get his job done, and he would do it efficiently, logically and mechanically — without the a hint of zeal or bravado.
So through all these eras of RoboCop, it was rare for me to see stories that met all these standards.
When word came around that Dynamite Entertainment was doing a new RoboCop comic, I was quite wary.
But after two issues? I'm pretty impressed.
First off, artist Fabiano Neves delivers crisp illustrations. He avoids a highly stylized look in favor of realism, and that's a big help with a RoboCop comic. He also handles action with smooth professionalism.
But most of all, I credit writer Rob Williams captures the feel of RoboCop's world:

• He nailed the Media Break and its commercials.
• He understood the crummy life on the streets.
• He gets the sleaze of the big business.
• He even understands the weary life of inner city cops.

But most of all, he's got RoboCop down just right.
He's a cop with a job. A job that has to be finished no matter what else happens around him.
And that's just what happens in RoboCop Nos. 1 and 2.
He keeps doing the job, even as it collapses around him.
And that's what I expect out of RoboCop.
Speaking of doing the job right, that's just what Dynamite did.

Over at the fancy new Captain Comics Web site, the group is having an interesting discussion on using comics as an educational tool.
To kick start the discussion, Luke Blanchard wrote:

Welcome once again to Pulp Adventures. In this little series, we take a look at people, places, business and things that could be melded into a pulp fiction-style story or role-playing game.

JAPAN'S SECRET FLEET — NIPPON YUZEN KAZE

THE REAL STORY: Nippon Yusen Kabushiki Kaisha is one of the world's largest ship-building companies. It's been in existence since 1870, and still a major player today as part of the Mitsubishi company. During World War II, many of its ships were retrofitted to carry Japanese troops and equipment.
GOING PULP: In a pulp-fiction type universe, the Nippon Yuzen Kaze company offers passenger ships that travel the world delivering goods, tourists and travelers. But this is only a cover for Japan's greater plan.
As well as its mundane role, every ship is a mobile battle station, equipped with spies, torture chambers, Kamikaze troops, bombs, hi-tech listening posts and other sinister equipment. Heck, you might as well through in some ninjas too.
The key thing here is that NYK ships can slide into port, secretly unleash mayhem and then slip away before anyone connects the dots.

WIKIPEDIA (Nippon Yusen): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nippon_Yusen
WIKIPEDIA (Awa Maru): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Awa_Maru_(1943)
MORE SITES: Offical Nippon Yusen company Web site
BOOKS:  Hundred years' history of the ships of Nippon Yusen Kaisha

SCENE AND STORY IDEAS

• While abroad, the adventurers hastily board a ship with the name NYK logo on the side. They think it's headed for New York City, but soon discover its headed for Japan, with a load of stolen U.S. military supplies on board.
• The scientific discovery of the century, the fossils of Peking Man, are aboard the Kaze version of the Awa Maru (linked above), and the adventurers must sneak aboard and steal them back before they get lost in wartime chaos.
• Every seven days for months now, there's been a bombing in the city. Then after a massive sea storm, the bombing is delayed by a day. This gives the adventurers enough clues to check the shipping schedules. Lo and behold, an NYK ship leaves port about two hours before each bombing. So the adventurers start a stake out and eventually uncover Japan's plot.
• Aboard one of the premiere ocean liners of the NYK line, the adventurers start to unravel a plot: The whole boat is set to blow up when it arrives in the states. The explosion will cripple the port and kill thousands — including the adventurers. They set out to stop the Kamikaze boat.

MORE PULP ADVENTURES

• SotC CHARACTER — Princess Python
• SotC CHARACTER — Cardinal Carvaux
• Pulp Adventures 1 — The Tunnel of the Roots
• Pulp Adventures 2 — Mildred Bruce

— Number 10 —
The mutant ability to curdle cheese with your thoughts isn't very helpful in combat.

— Number 9 —
According to the "Days of Futurepast," you get beheaded by a Sentinel ... so really, what's the point?

— Number 8 —
Seems pretty likely that Cyclops will steal your girlfriend.

— Number 7 —
The Scarlet Witch keeps on looking at you funny.

— Number 6 —
Wolverine's hair is always clogging the shower drain, and noobs get bathroom duties.

— Number 5 —
The good news: You once fought Rocket Racer.
The bad news: You lost.

— Number 4 —
Black and yellow just aren't your colors. 

— Number 3 —
Currently impregnated by the Brood Queen.

— Number 2 —
Figure you'll get more face time if you joined Alpha Flight.

... and the No. 1 Reason NOT to join the X-Men ...
You think Magneto's got a few good points.