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Over the last few years, I've done a number of murals. Most of have been for my churches, and the first was for the West York Missionary Church.
 I was asked to paint a mural in the church's children's room. Apparently, they just expected me to paint a few feet of the wall. Instead, I painted two whole walls. In total, I'd bet the final mural was almost 30 feet long.
To start out, I primed the walls and applied some color for the sky and the the ground. After that there was a long process of filling it in. For this mural, the theme was "Noah's Ark," so I had lots of animals to paint. Instead of painting them marching along, two by two, I wanted them to actually do things. So I had tigers jumping, raccoons wrestling, foxes playing, monkeys harassing turtles and other animal-like behaviors. 
(And yes, that's me there, painting away. Down below is my daughter in front of Noah.)
Once the sky and ground was set in place, I went through the whole mural and sketched in the animals based on my preliminary drawings. From there, I went through the mural and applied as much of one color as I could, so on one day, I would add all browns. Another day was all reds and so on. Once all the basic animal shapes were painted, I went in and added details and highlights. Finally, I went over each animal a last time giving it a black outline.
Probably the most difficult part of the painting was adding a rainbow. My first attempt made the colors far too bold, so I washed them off and watered down the paint. That worked, and I applied them in an arc that stretched between two walls. The corner actually helped me because I knew I wouldn't get a perfect arc, and it helped hide my flubs.
Once the rainbow, animals, Noah and the arc were all finished, I added a few extra bushes, trees and landscaping and then finally added a transparent coating to seal the acrylic paint. In the end, I had well over a two dozen animals on the painting — from bats to penguins. It's still quite proud of the mural.
Unfortunately, I can't seem to dig up all the final pictures of each panel. When I find them, you can bet I'll post them.
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Ah, poor Snout Spout. Even when he was brand new, he was a has-been. In the He-Man minicomic "Eye of the Storm," this Masters of the Universe character is wallowing in self-pity. "I sure don't feel very important," he whimpers to Teela.
But alas, there's villainy afoot. Skeletor and Webstor are busy digging up a cosmic whatzit to rain on He-Man's parade, and just as all seems lost for He-Man and his crew, Snout Spout saves the day. Who would have guessed?
The story behind Snout Spout is actually more interesting than the minicomic that came packaged with the cyborg-elephant-human mixture. According to Wikipedia, Snout Spout came too late in the toy line to even be included in the "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe" cartoon series, so he was used in the She-Ra cartoon. That ended up playing havoc with his backstory. He might be a simple peasant who was captured by Hordak and experimented on. Or he might be a "Man in the Iron Mask" type of guy with a secret identity. Then again, She-Ra called him Hose Nose in her cartoon, so maybe there's two of the them.
So just what is Snout Spout supposed to be? Well, aside from being very silly looking, he's a "Heroic Firefighter," which is all well and good, except most firefighters don't wear helmets that look like elephant heads — complete with the big Dumbo-style ears. His appearance has even been likened to the Hindu god Ganesh, though I don't think he ever was very concerned about forest fires and fill-the-boot fundraisers. Like all the He-Man action figures, the character had a special action and his was blowing water out his trunk, which made him the heroic warrior equivalent of Kobra Kahn, who could also spray water. Sadly, the two never met for a world-class spit-off.
If it ever did happen, bet on Snout Spout — he has has better reach.
Here's how he-man.org described the "Eye of the Storm" ...
Skeletor creates a "storm-bringer" device and starts a bad storm, while the heroes of Eternia play a game of Glo-Disk. Anyway, Snout-Spout stops it and gets his 15 minutes of fame.
00076260
1986, Series 5.
Packaged with Snout Spout.
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For some, Mississippi is a backwater state, but there's a lot of territory to cover. And while you might not get the world's greatest heroes, you can't deny their gumption.
MISSISSIPPI
CALDECOTT COUNTY (Rogue)
Rogue is sometimes seen in and around Caldecott County, her childhood home. Though there isn't much trouble there, locals believe she must visit often, since she's helped out around the area now and again.
Notes: Since Rogue is an X-Man, she spends nearly all her time with the team in New York. Still, she's often shown longing for Southern living.
GULFPORT (Omega the Unknown)
For a short time, the superbeing known as Omega the Unknown, appeared frequently in and around Biloxi and Gulfport. There he rarely seemed to act as a "hero," but rather seemed to be involved in his own affairs, including seemingly working odd jobs. Still, he was soon tagged as Biloxi's boy. After years away, he was recently seen again in the city.
Notes: Omega was created in the 1970s and only recently revived. I believe the new comic is a complete reboot of the character. Like many of the folks I've placed in Mississippi, he was never one of Marvel's greatest characters, but he certainly had an interesting story. Setting it in Mississippi doesn't diminish it a bit.
JACKSON (Nuko and Sleepwalker)
Nuklo, the son of two golden age heroes, is spotted on occasion in Jackson. While not a hero per say, he is a super-powered being. Until recently, his activities are normally restrained to helping out after natural disasters, during fires, traffic accidents and so on. His recent induction into the V-Battalion has increased his visibility in the area.
Sleepwalker is Jackson's most visible hero, and that really isn't saying much. Like Nuklo, he keeps a relatively low profile, but Jackson's recent influx of weirdness is almost all blamed on Sleepwalker. Most notably, a small group of villains seemed to spring up after Sleepwalker's first appearance. Hardly a favorite with local law enforcement, many view him as a nuisance than as an asset.
Notes: Jackson is a decent-sized city, but still, it just isn't one of the nation's biggest. By assigning two relatively unknown heroes to it, I get it covered but don't give it undue emphasis. Sleepwalker had his own comic for several years in the 1990s, and while he was never a big hit, he had a decent following. Right now, he's a minor co-star in Ms. Marvel.
MISSISSIPPI RIVER (Fabulous Frog-Man)
After a few disastrous years in New York City, the heroic Fabulous Frog-Man eventually migrated south where he set up "business" along the Mississippi River where his swimming, jumping and sensory powers were soon set to good use. There he patrols for criminal activity, assists boats and barges in trouble, works search-and-rescue operations and even captures drug smugglers. Additionally, he's helped many times searching for bodies believed dumped into the river. His territory has been surprisingly fertile for adventure, and he's been lauded by law enforcement on both sides of the shore and up the entire length of the river. While his patrol area is generally restricted to the state's river shoreline, he sometimes assists when trouble flares up in upriver states.
Notes: I have to admit, I love this idea, and it makes me smile everytime I think of it. I'd love to write this series. Something titled "Fabulous Frog-Man: CSI" or "Fabulous Frog-Man: Law Man of the Mississippi." Marvel, are you listening? |
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It seems that Catman (which really should be spelled 'Cat-Man'), the field commander of the DC Comics supergroup called the Secret Six, may soon get an action figure of his very own. There's currently a vote going on between Catman and five other contestants at the action figure magazine Toyfare. The winner is made into an action figure.
It wasn't until recently that Catman became a "player" in the DC Universe. For the longest time, he was an obscure Batman enemy who was obsessed with a magic cloth that he believed gave him extraordinary powers. He believed it protected him and gave him amazing reflexes.
But again and again, he was beat down by Batman and other DC heroes. He was, in fact, a joke villain. He was the guy you mopped up before you got to the Big Bad Evil Guy. Sure he was a fearless daredevil, but he was one you could wrap up in a page or two.
But what I liked about him is that he believed in something. His faith that his magical cloth, which he made into his cape, would let him get through any scrape was enough to pick himself back up again. His power, in essence, was his faith.
His faith could be attacked and beaten down, but it always returned.
And that's what I liked about Catman. 
On top of that, when I was introduced to Catman, he had another thing going for him: A kick-ass costume.
The one shown above is the costume I'm talking about. It had a great modern logo, and with the color combination was amazingly striking. Why, it was even drawn up for possible inclusion in the "Batman: The Animated Series" TV show.
But most of all, it had lots of orange. Bold, maybe a little garish, but certainly eye-catching. Certainly the color of someone who wants to be seen. Yet, it didn't catch on. It didn't "stick" long enough to become iconic.
You see, when Catman resurfaced after his seeming death in the pages of Green Arrow, he reverted to an altered version of his original costume, which was an almost exact duplicate of Batman's uniform except in orange and peach. The only difference: Instead of the strange looking "CM" logo, it was now replaced by three claw marks.
Not bad, but not all that exciting either. That probably explains why his figure is among down near the bottom of the Toyfare vote — because he's just a weird color combo of Batman.
Along with the new-old costume, the new, improved Catman also has a new attitude. Nary a word has been mentioned about his magic cloth. He's full of vigor and confidence. He fights with a big Bowie Knife.
But most of all, no one's laughing at him any more. He's found his faith (even if he doesn't talk about it).
Someday, I hope the DCU writers that handle him will address that. I wanna hear about his magic cape again.
And once they cover that, maybe he'll step back into his perfect costume. It's the only one that fits. |
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If you were a kid in the 1980s, you were sure to own a few of the books called "Pick A Paths," "Choose Your Own Adventure," "Fighting Fantasy" or any other derivation on the theme. Basically the books allowed you to make the decisions for the main character and, depending on how you chose, find success or failure.
For me, the greatest of the books were the Dungeons & Dragons-based series called "Endless Quest." These books had amazing art by Larry Elmore and others, and featured surprisingly difficult choices for the starring character. I can remember more than a few of those books that I just couldn't complete. It seemed that every choice lead to a life of slavery, falling down a deadly pit or ending up in the gullet of a dragon. Yes, these were kids books indeed.
Just the other day, I spotted a "Find Your Fate" book built around the G.I. Joe brand, and with a cover that featured Blowtorch and the Baroness, I couldn't resist.
In this book, you are a new recruit to the G.I. Joe organization with the codename Wiseguy, a "Strategy Specialist," which apparently means that you get to order around peons such as Snake Eyes, Airtight, Mutt and Rip Cord.
The story is officially called "G.I. Joe — Operation: Star Raider" and it's your job, Wiseguy, to ensure that a Australian scientist makes it from his plane to the Pentagon, where he'll brief the team on his new "nuclear anti-missile device." Of course, Cobra Commander, Destro, Major Bludd and the Baroness have other plans for the device, and the plot-picking begins — should you hide him in the parade? Turn to Page 21. Sneak him off to the mountains? Go to Page 76.
As Wiseguy, who is arguably the dantiest member of G.I. Joe ever (see image below — that's him in the center), you die miserably or claw your way to victory depending on which page you decide to go.
In all, these books were a lot more exciting when I was a kid. I could spend a whole afternoon reading them. But today? I buzzed through the book in just about 45 minutes. And yes, I died many times. I also thwarted Cobra quite a bit too. Still, the writing's not all that great, and you really get no idea of any sort of character that Wiseguy might have. Instead, you realize three important things while reading "Operation: Star Raider"
- Blowtorch is a complete idiot. Turn down anything he suggests. It will only lead to your doom.
- Parades are for sissies. If any "strategist" from G.I. Joe ever pushes you to "hide out" in a parade, smack him repeatable times until his ears bleed.
- Snake Eyes, as usual, is a veritable god. He is the master of ninjitsu, commando operations and wolf-taming. He proves it all again in "Star Raider." Bow down before Snake Eyes.
Now as I read "Star Raider" I began to wonder why the Internet — or more specifically Internet writers — never embraced the idea of the "Pick A Path"-style story for online fiction. You know, instead of writing a straight narrative story, the writer would offer all the same options as an Endless Quest book. You click the hyperlink of your choice, and follow your own adventure. Each page of narrative, which should include with some nice art, has advertisements, and every time they click a new option, a new advert pops up.
It already may have been tried and failed dismally.
Or it could be a gold mine. Any takers? |
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Moving along the coastline from Florida, we hit Alabama next. There aren't too many big cities in Alabama, and as such, there aren't too many big heroes in the state either.
ALABAMA
MOBILE (Stingray)
Making every effort to be the protector of the Gulf of Mexico, Stingray (at left) bases himself out of Mobile, as Alabama's primary port city, he spends far more time out in the Gulf of Mexico's Hydrobase than at his adopted land-based home town. Wth family and friends in the port city, he swings inland now and again to help. In particular, he's known for helping out oil riggers, shrimp boaters and even cruise liners in times of need. And during hurricane season, he's especially busy helping those same folks.
Notes: I located the Hydrobase in the Gulf of Mexico because I find it strange how largely ignored it is by comic-book writers. Aside from that, the gulf is probably going to give you a lot more exotic environments than the Atlantic Ocean near Massachusetts. Beyond that, what's going on in the gulf is a lot more interesting, too. You've got hurricanes, cruise lines, oil rigs, treasure hunters and fishing.
BIRMINGHAM (Strong Guy, Dominic Fortune and Harrier)
The mercenary Dominic Fortune earned his Birmingham mansion in a poker game, and has stuck around ever since, transforming the estate into a top notch training center for non-powered adventurerers. He's found providing such a facility is the best way he can keep himself informed on who's the best in the business. His activities have run him afoul of the Taskmaster, who runs a similar training facility in New Jersey. Though Fortune keeps a low profile, some of his activities have been known to spill out on the streets of Birmingham, where he does his best to stay friendly, clean up his own messes and not garner too much attention.
Rocking roadie Strong Guy grew up in the southern sprawl of Birmingham, where he rolled with the good ole boys for many years. Eventually his wanderlust grew, and he hitched up with rocker Lila Cheney, from there, the mutant traveled the world and the universe. After stints with X-Factor, he always returns home to Birmingham. Though a reluctant super-hero at best, Strong Guy is definitely a fan of fighting, so he often comes to his hometown's aide whenever the need arises.
After a stint with the Masters of Evil, the Air Force veteran Donald Clendenon, better known as Harrier (at right) returned to his hometown. Hoping to make a difference, he made a deal with his parole officer and the local authorities. He would be allowed to resume his armored identity if he wore an ankle bracelet and mount a mini-cam on his armor that tracked all of his activities as Harrier.
Notes: Birmingham is a decent sized city, and one that is historically important. That's why I put old-timer Dominic Fortune here. Sure, he's a mercenary, but he's a respectable one. With that in mind, I figured he'd work great in a Southern setting. Strong Guy was moved here from New York, where he's portrayed as a surly Italian. I don't think it's a stretch to transmorgify him into a redneck hero. And I don't mean that as an insult either. He's always written as a guy who can get along with anyone, have fun anywhere and always look cool doing it. Harrier is one of those obscure heroes who rose above his villainous ways. He first popped up in New Warriors, and deserves a small role somewhere. Why not Birmingham?
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When the announcement for Project Superpowers came out, I was kind of excited. It was essentially described as pulling all the public domain superheroes from the 1940s into one comic book.
For one thing, I'm not at all familiar with most of these guys, and that makes it all the better. More than just a tip-of-the-hat to these old-time concepts, it pretty much sticks to their original concepts and polevaults them into the 21st century.
Thus far, the story has been interesting: An old man named Fighting Yank has been haunted for years by an ancestor who died in the Revolutionary War suddenly finds he is haunted by a new ghost, this one wrapped in an American flag. The new ghost compells him to break open a mystical vase that frees superheroes from the past.
These heroes were, in fact, trapped in the vase in the 1940s by Fighting Yank himself in an effort to contain a great evil.
 With the heroes free, they find that a new evil has taken root in the world and now, up to issue No. 4, the heroes are starting to come together to battle the menace.
According to the Wikipedia entry about the series, it's very likely that this series is setting the stage for a whole new superhero universe to be published by Dynamite Entertainment.
It's this idea that has me falling for Project Superpowers hook-line-and-sinker. You see, I'm a total sucker for new superhero universe. Back in the 1990s, I tried them all — Valiant, Ultraverse, Broadway, CrossGen, Tekno and probably a few more. More importantly, for the most part, I liked just about everything I tried.
The question is why? For me, I think it's kind of exciting to see how they're set up. Who are the antagonists? What will the tone be? How realistic will it be? What are the "rules of the universe?" Who will turn out to be the stars? Who will be the duds? What creators will make a name for themselves?
More importantly, it's all fresh. Yes, there's something to be said for a brand-new, spotless, continuity-free, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants universe to explore.
Sure, the Marvel Universe has a lot of great characters, but how many times can Spider-man get yelled at by J.Jonah Jameson.
Sure, the DC Universe has an amazing history, but how many Flashes do we really need to have?
So every once and a while, I get sucked in by the newbie. How can you blame me?
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In just the last month or so, I've decided to switch what I do for "greeting card" occasions. Instead of store-bought cards, I've opted to draw my own. Well, not completely — I did go buy a pack of blank cards with a generic-looking cartoon bunny on it. That's just the front though, and it doesn't say anything or have an Easter theme, so it's suitable for my purposes.
On the inside of the card, I create a personalized cartoon and message.
Father's Day is my first shot at this, so I've created one that has theme appropriate for my dad, who loves the 1950s-era kiddie Western stars.
Enjoy ...
Now I just hope it got there in time!
And, as usual, I urge you to check out my other ode to dad from a few years ago.
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One thing I love about DC Comics is that their heroes and villains are spread out all over the United States. You've got the Flash in Kansas, Green Arrow in Oregon/Washington, the Titans in San Fran. Heck, some sources pin Gotham City in New Jersey and Metropolis in Delaware.
That's really pretty neat, and I really wish Marvel Comics did the same with their version of the United States, In fact, they kind of are with the 50 State Initiative, where government-sanctioned superteams are stationed in every state.
But suppose from the the get-go that the Marvel heroes were spread all over the U.S. (they're pretty good with their world population), where would you put some of their heroes and key titles?
In the following weeks, I'm going to do just that, state-by-state, I'm going to place Marvel's big shots — and their little shots — all over the map, until I've got at least one hero in every state.
Today, we'll start by having fun in the sun with Florida ...
FLORIDA
CAPE CANAVERAL (Nova)
Thanks to his otherworldly origins, Nova, gets shifted out of NYC and plunked down at Cape Canaveral, America's prime hub for spaceflight. This used to be the playground of Ms. Marvel, but she's now in Houston, for the NASA connection there. With the two tied so closely to the space program, they're a natural for fairly regular team-ups. From there, Nova is often tapped by the scientific elite for help on their space-bound missions. You need samples from a comet? Nova can get them. Got a satellite out of whack? Nova can realign it.
Notes: Nova is one of those many characters that was literally crammed into New York City with dozens, if not hundreds, of other relatively interesting superheroes. By being stuck there, he never had a chance to shine. Now, imagine if his original series, and everything that followed about him, placed him in Cape Canaveral. There, he's got breathing room. He can get some much-needed press. He can save a Space Shuttle for breakfast and battle aliens at noon. And with no one else around to assist, he gets all the publicity.
That's the basic idea of this series. Giving each hero his own space. Why put Nova in Florida? Well, with his "galactic" ties, why not tie him to America's space agency?
ORLANDO (New Warriors including Night Thrasher, Blackwing, Decibel, Phaser, Ripcord, Skybolt, Tempest and Wondra)
Taking route in Orlando are the team of youngsters known as the New Warriors, where they're being marketed like the latest boy band. Taking a nod from their Reality TV past, they too are stars all thanks to the media, and just one more tourist attraction to a city based on tourism. And while they are based in Orlando, they jaunt all over in search of camera-ready adventure. Of course, over-time the members grow weary of the spotlight and yearn for a more fulfilling roles in the superhuman community. They wouldn't be birthed with celeb-TV in mind, but their activities and accessiblity eventually bring the two ideas together. Members of the team are almost exclusively based in Orlando though, having been urged to trim back their old associations to strengthen the New Warriors brand. For some, this means homecomings are a huge ocassion. For other New Warriors, they aren't well loved 'back home,' as they are viewed as having abandoned their hometown.
Notes: I got this idea by extrapolating from the "pre-packaged" excitement Orlando already offers: Theme parks. Why not go one step further with a pre-packaged superteam? And I'm not dissing the New Warriors here. I have just about every series they ever starred in. They're a fun group, shifting them out of NYC to the fun and sun of Orlando works for me.
MIAMI (Tigra, Blade, Crystal and Quicksilver)
Tigra soaks up the sun as Miami's most well-known street-level hero, where she's respected by the massive Latino community, who assume she's one of them. But as much as Tigra professes to be the protector of the people, she is completely enamored with the glitz of the town. She may be a hero, but she's a half-hearted hero at best.
Picking up some of Tigra's slack is Blade, the vampire hunter. He too is enamored with the night-life, but only because it's the perfect hiding place for his prey. Like many heroes, he may be based in Miami, but he'll follow his quarry anywhere. Still, he finds a lot to do in Fla., and comes into conflict with Tigra quite a bit as she tries to protect her some of her friends who are secretly vampires.
Miami is also the home of Crystal and Quicksilver (married or otherwise). The two are there only fleetingly, often splitting their time between the Avengers, Fantastic Four and the Inhumans moonbase. Only recent transplants to Miami, they're more aloof of the dangers and problems the city faces, and only seem to respond to obvious threats posed to the city, as opposed to the day-in-and-day-out problems that pop up.
Notes: Once again, I'm extrapolating what I know of Miami to the Marvel Universe. Miami is all about decadence and self worship. That fits each of these heroes for their own specific reasons. Among superheroes, Tigra is one of the laziest. She just wants to feel good and look good. Blade follows the vampires attracted to Miami's decadent ways. Crystal and Quicksilver find the city caters to them as they were catered to as Inhuman royalty.
FLORIDA EVERGLADES (Man-Thing)
The Florida Everglades hold Earth-616's resident swamp monster, Man-Thing. As previously, he sticks by the Nexus of Realities to ward of intruders into the area. The problem is in this revamp, the Nexus is the only "in/out door" on Earth, which makes it a busy place. For example, when Doctor Strange has to skip across dimensions, he has to go through there. That makes Man-Thing a very angry beast.
Notes: Man-Thing was always in the Everglades, so there's no reason to move him anywhere else. I did specifically tie extra-dimensional travel here though. This means that some big names wind up here. Doctor Strange is mentioned above, but also Mr. Fantastic and the F.F. would find that transportation to the Negative Zone would be easiest here. Whenever Ant-Man or the Micronauts spring from the Microverse, they pop up back here. Like I said: It's a busy place.
JACKSONVILLE (Photon, Scorpion, Ghost Rider Danny Ketch, Aegis, Number Nine}
Photon, who has also been known as Captain Marvel and Legacy, spent much of his time on Earth in and around the Jacksonville area. During that time, his activities were mostly ignored by the media and most of America's heroes. When he joined the Thunderbolts, he never appeared in the area again.
One of the mysterious new heroes in Jacksonville is the Scorpion, a young woman with equally mysterious abilities. As the Scorpion, she's seen frequently fighting agents associated with AIM. Whether they are there specifically to battle her or if she's exposing an AIM cell in the city is unknown.
 Danny Ketch, the second skull-blazing Ghost Rider, gets shuffled off to Jacksonville, Fla. There, he races around the streets as a spirit of vengeance, mixing it up with the local populace. Like any good biker, Ketch is often on the road, cruising up and down the FLA coastline, as he also been seen in Daytona Beach, especially during its bike week and during headline events at the motorway. Naturally, his appearance here has attacted the attention of Johnny Blaze, the original Ghost Rider, who normally rides in Sacramento, Calif.
Aegis, a short-timer with the New Warriors, moved on from the group shortly after joining it. He went back to his (new) hometown, Jacksonville, where he found that the afterglow from the New Warriors spotlight continued to shine. While only a part-time hero, Aegis tends to be seen on weekends and afternoons, prompting many to believe the force-field projector is still in school.
While far below the national media radar, Number Nine is a local celebrity in Jacksonville, often attending fund-raisers, ribbon cuttings and other menial functions. She does this because, quite frankly, all she knows is about being in the public and doing good things. Of course, she also fights crime in and around Jacksonville.
Notes: I was surprised to see that Jacksonville is one of America's most populace cities. It wouldn't even be one of the places I'd think of when you rattle off cities, but it's true. With that in my head, I figured it must be one of the "newest" big-population cities, so I figured I'd populate it with newer heroes. It's a happening place. You've got space warriors, spirits of vengeance, magic artifact wielders and genetic powerhouses. It's a neat mix, and one that you could start a whole comic-book company, if you so chose. I also thought it was a good idea to stick the two Ghost Riders on opposite coasts, and the younger one, Danny Ketch, works perfectly in Florida. Finally, you'll note that even right off the bat I'm digging up some really obscure heroes. Number Nine, for example, first appeared in Ann Nocenti's Daredevil run, and you can read about her in Marvel Universe A-Z No. 8.
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I got my first Starriors comic a decade or so ago. It was issue No. 4 of a four-issue Marvel Comics limited series. In those years, I've tried to read it a few times, and mostly puzzled over its contents. I only recognized one character, a robot tyrannasaur named Deadeye, that was owned by my best friend in grade school. It was a neat remote control beast that you could load its head full of plastic discs and remotely aim and fire. It was great fun to harass cats with, and he matched up pretty well against Transformers.
The rest of the robots in the Starriors comic were just that — a bunch of robots. The story was too far along to even begin to comprehend, so I just filled it away in my 'S' box for future study.
A few weeks ago, I hit the jackpot! There in the discount bargain bin was the whole Starriors limited series. I snatched up issues No. 1, 2 and 3, leaving the comic shop's issue No. 4 orphaned. Yes, it was a descpicable act, but at long last, I could finally understand the saga of the Starriors.
The Starriors comic spins the tale of a society of robots, long abandoned by their creators. It is a society of slaves and masters, where the violent rule with an iron hand, and the meek pray they escape the attention of their rulers.
But then, through machinations not really worth repeating here, the robots realize that man may still be alive, and the two primary robot groups go to war. The Protectors, who were once slaves, want to seek out their creators. The  Destructors, who've been dominating the other robot races, want to stop the Protectors and maintain the status quo.
What follows is a back-and-forth battle between the two groups, with members switching sides and soldiers dying and being reborn.
To help match the toyline the characters are based after, few of the soldiers really die. Instead, they're reborn again and again with the help of a MacGuffin Device. This lets the comic provide the "play script" for any kids as they re-enact the Starriors conflict in their back yards and show them that it's OK to take their robots apart and reassemble them differently.
Written by Louise Simonson, the comic is hard to follow for the most part. All the characters on each side of the battle are colored identically, so you can't tell them apart, even with the character guide in the first issue.
Michael Chen handles the art chores, and for the most part, he draws some pretty cool robots, even if they've got strange chest-mounted weapon arrays that make them look like the Terminator version of Dolly Parton. Some have chest mounted drills. Others have gozangas that are buzz saws or phallic laser cannons.
The pec-mounted weapons aren't even strangest thing about the whole series, either. No, the strangest stuff is when the Starriors talk about "loving" each other. And, no ,we're not talking about "I love you, man! You're awesome." Instead, they're really talking about romantic love. Robot love? Ooookay.
I was also surprised by the end of the series. All along, I was assuming these were giant robots, but in the final issue, they find humanity. When they unlock them from hibernation, the fleshbags are just as tall as the gearboxes.
My presumption was confirmed too. When you look through the Starriors fan site you can see how the figures were designed to hold little men inside their robot heads.
If I was writing the book, I would have made the Starriors giant-sized, and explain the whole "love thang" as that the Starriors were getting the emotions radioed to them from their hibernating drivers.
Yeah, that's kinda dumb, but's no where near as dumb as vacuum-cleaners pining for their lost loves.
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